I know you are thinking what do men have to do with mosquitoes? Well in Egypt they are quite similar creatures. Let me explain… Here in Egypt you unfortunately have something called CLASS. This is very important because for your own safety you should only meet people of the same class. Well not just your safety but there is no point hanging out with someone in a nice place where a main course would be the same price as their monthly salary… Unfortunately, as much as I hate judging people according to their salary, education, dress code, type of work and on where they live, this is what happens in Egypt. Generalising is something I also hate it when people do, but here in Egypt everyone does it.
Something that REALLY REALLY annoys me is the word Europe. I guess I hate it as much as the Norwegian word ‘Syden’. ‘Syden’ refers to every single country outside Norway that has a few days of sunshine per year. Every summer most Norwegians travel abroad to ‘Syden’. I hear you say where is this? Well it could be Egypt, Trukey, Greece, Spain, France, Croatia, and the list goes on… I know I also think this is such a retarded word as Egypt is DEFINATELY not the same as France. Anyways here in Egypt you have the same swear word: EUROPE! AAAAHHHHHH both words make me want to vomit. It’s the biggest generalisation EVER. And then people say: you can’t generalise, bla bla bla. Two minutes later they say im going to ‘SYDEN’! Oh I know Syden, I was there last summer. Which city you going to? Hurghada. Oh I was in Amsterdam last year, it was also sunny. God I can’t express how much I hate this word, as well as EUROPE.
So im with my boyfriend and his friend at a cafe. We start discussing the weather in Egypt, that it’s still kinda hot. Anyways my boyfriends friend then looks at me and says this: HOW IS THE WEATHER IN EUROPE?!?!!? WOAW, wait, HANG ON A MINUTE…. Let me just stop throwing up after you said the most hated word in my vocabulary. Then lets rewind. You said Europe… Let me tell you the weather in Europe… SHUT UP. FULL STOP.
I’m sorry I went to a very good school in Europe, was born in another place in Europe, my parents are both European. I am educated so I therefore do not understand when you ask me such a stupid question. I wanted to cry and run off to the bathroom, but instead I just gave ‘the look’ to my boyfriend and he finished the situation. He said are you stupid or what Europe is not a country and the temperature ranges from 25 degrees in Spain to MINUS 25 degrees in Norway. Which temperature would you like to know about?
Someone asked me the other day: Are you going to Europe for christmas?! AAAAHHHHHH… I counted to ten and just replied yes, I just booked my ticket to Europe with European airlines last night….
So now to my point of this post. That Egyptian people are classified into: High Class, Middle Class, Low Class. As a foreigner you should only mix with the top of the middle class and high-class. This sounds awful, I know, I hate it, but people from the lower class see foreigners as wallets with legs, huge dollar signs… Nobody can say all low-class people are bad, but 99% from my experience are not good. I know I can’t blame them, because they can’t afford education, but I can blame them for their behaviour in this society. Or I can blame their parents for not teaching them whats right and whats wrong.
So in Egypt you have a very high percentage of low-class people, most of the people you meet in the streets are low-class. Now when I talk about low-class it has NOTHING to do with money, but to do with how they behave, ok? Low class behaviour. Let me just tell you that some of the kindest people i have met in my life have been low-class, but their behaviour has not been low-class. Also some of the most disgusting people or rather animals I have met have been high-class, so you can’t generalise when it comes to money, but hey that’s what people do here.
In the low-class section you have different types of guys. This is not scientifically researched, it’s just my opinion and from my experience. There is the low-class guy that doesn’t speak much English and runs around like a headless chicken looking for a foreign women who he can marry and take her nationality. These men I call FLOPPY DISKS. This is what they do: Romance a foreign girl, tell her that he loves her and doesn’t want anyone else, tells her he doesn’t want her passport, tells her to stay with him, they get married. They then ‘discuss’ their lives and figure out the best would be to get the floppy disk a visa and move to EUROPE where he has never been! Always a good idea to move to a country you have never visited before! Then because of the culture shock and language barrier this guy does NOTHING except for sit on his ass, watch tv and maybe find other women to seduce in his area. The women end up supporting themselves and the floppy disk. Hence the name floppy disk- they are floppy and lazy.
Then you have another type of low-class guy. The hard drive. This guy is ‘super muslim’, or he likes to think he is a good muslim… He finds a foreign women who doesn’t speak arabic and who is not muslim. This type of girl is easy to control. She doesn’t know the law in Egypt, can’t communicate and is dependent on the guy helping her out with everything. They spend maximum half a year dating and then figure out they want to live the rest of their lives together. YES after just 5 months. I still couldn’t remember my boyfriends full name after 5 months. But anyways they get married and he tells her she has to convert to Islam. She would do anything for her husband so agrees, to pretend to believe in God in order to make the HARD DRIVE happy. Then he tells her you cant work, don’t go out of the house without me, and doesn’t help her learn the language. She sits at home all day looking after the house, maybe children, making food, cleaning and waiting for her husband to come home from work, or seeing his other wives. She is completely dependent on her hard drive and this gives him full power over her. He is a hard drive.
Okey this post is turning out to be a long one. Ok, so back to the mosquitoes:
Bbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…… That extremely annoying sound right inside your ear… Bbbzzzzzzzzzz…. This has been the noise i hear every night before i go to sleep. I can’t kill them either at this point because I have taken my contacts out and wouldn’t be able to see them. But during the day this is my hobby… Mosquito smacking. I have my boyfriends flip-flops that are quite big and hard. The Egyptian mosquitoes are very very stupid! They usually just sit still when you approach so killing them is not a problem. The problem is smacking them when they are on the ceiling!
Yesterday was probably my best day so far in the mosquito killing championship. I killed 8 mosquitoes! I think that’s a world record considering its just in one room of 9 square meters. I cant hide from the mosquitoes either.. My boyfriend told me to just take the cover and put it over my face… BUT I prefer to be bit by a mosquito than be suffocated to death by a dirty blanket. I have not been able to clean this blanket for 2 months, so im NOT shoving that in my face… Its bad enough having to cover my body with it… So last night I had finished killing all the stupid mosquitoes and I went to bed.
Bbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzz……. I thought I was being paranoid as I was so used to hearing this while trying to fall asleep…. Bbbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and then a pinch on my cheek! GREAT! Mosquito bite on my face… I had to kill this one. It was 4 am and I was still trying to get to sleep with this bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz noise in my ear…. So I got up, put my glasses on and went mosquito hunting. I saw it right by my pillow… Mind you this was not a mosquitos any longer… It was soooo fat from all the blood sucking it looked like a grasshopper! HUGE! Anyways I was so desperate to go to sleep I went in for the kill right away…. Maybe a bit too hard and not well controlled because my middle finger twisted. EXTREME PAIN….. thought id open my eyes to see my middle finger dangling in its skin… But luckily it was not broken.. Just extremely painful… But GUESS WHAT??? Mosquitos SPLAT dead! And the winner of the Mosquito Killing Championship is: ME!!!!
So now 5:15 am I could peacefully go to sleep…. Bbbbbbbzzzzzzzzz WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?! Yes, another mosquito… I was so close to crying, the frustration! Its 5 am!!!! DO MOSQUITOES NEVER SLEEP???? Anyways my twisted finger now had a heart beat and was swelling up. I couldn’t smack anything with this hand. I couldn’t move my finger so I decided to put the other pillow over my head. I basically just gave up and decided to let the gross mosquito eat me alive. I woke up this morning to a huuuuuge, fat, juicy mosquito flying around the room! Yes don’t worry I killed it!
So now that you know how annoying mosquitoes are I can tell you that they are exactly like the low-class Egyptian guys. Remember I mean low-class in social behaviour. I went for a walk the other day alone… I walked out of the door and the low-class builders completely stop their work and start what is known as ‘Egyptian Staring Championship’. Let me tell you Egyptian people are the best in the world at this, even girls do it! Then comes the pssst, psssst noises. Just like a mosquito… Annoying noises in your ear… Pssst…. Psssst… It makes me want to look at them and scream MEOW! I just left the apartment and I swear I saw a reflection of a human being in the mirror and now suddenly I’ve become a cat?! What happened on the way down in the elevator!? Pssst… SOOOOOO ANNOYING.. I dnt know what kind of reaction they are expecting.. Me to go oooh hello look at you, you want my number, maybe we can go for a drink later!? So like the mosquito I just ignore it and continue on my way… Then comes the 1002 taxis, beeep, beeep beeppp, taaaaxxxiiii???? Noooo….. Beeeeppp taxxxi….. Nooo I heard you the first time… still noooo….
beeeeepppp taxxxx? Nooooooo, im walking…
Beeeep taxi, beep…. Psssst!! AAAAHHHHH go away… If I wanted a taxi I would stop one.. Thank you very much….
Welcome to Egpt! Psst…. You are very beautiful! Hahaha you are very welcome here in Egypt…
SHUT UP!!!! I’m going for a peaceful walk. I am not a cat… I don’t want a taxi, I want to walk. I don’t want to be welcomed to Egypt. I don’t care what you think of my looks. I JUST WANT TO GO FOR A WALK! Please welcome me to Egypt silently in your head….
Egyptian Mosquitoes… I just want to sleep in peace…
Egyptian (Low-class) Men… I just want to be left in peace…
Both make annoying noises, both are trying to suck the life out of you.
I love Egypt!