Life In Cairo

You Gotta Fight For The Right To Live…against gross bugs!

So TWO times this week have I been emotionally tested. Who is testing me, I have no idea, but it sure as hell aint funny anymore!

At the age of 25 I had my first mental breakdown… I’m not sure if I should be proud of not having one before or ashamed of having one in the situation I was in.

Attack/Test 1.

I was peacefully sitting on my inflatable bed (yes im still living in an empty apartment!) watching tv when I heard a loud flutter. I thought nothing of it as the window was open and it could have been a bird flying by (yes the flutter was THAT loud). I then heard some more fluttering noise and decided to have a small look at what was causing such noise! A HUGE, and when I say huge I mean humongous (!!!!!!!) praying mantis was crawling up the wall. For those of you not sure what this is, it is an extremely disgusting large flying grasshopper looking like insect!

My whole spine shivered and in full panic I ran as fast as I could to the front door. When I reached the front door, I asked my self where I was going… Leaving the apartment to this gross creature was not an option as I had ordered my dinner. I thought maybe I could wait 45 min and get the delivery person to kill it for me, but then I didn’t want a stranger entering the apartment, so that was not an option.

This is when my mental breakdown started… I started shaking and thinking im never going to be able to kill this. I thought about sleeping on a chair in the ‘living room’ just to avoid killing it. I was afraid of the insect itself but what scared me the most was the crunchy noise it would make if or when I killed it. It was so big and crunchy looking I was certain some liquid would squirt out if or when I killed it.

So after having a mayor breakdown, thinking i should just get my phone and leave the apartment and sleep outside somewhere. I had to pull myself together… I AM A GROWN UP! I CAN KILL THIS INSECT!! I told myself several times… I collected all the pairs of shoes I found (including a few of my bf, sorry!) and started throwing them at the creature. Some shoes hit it and it just dangled a little and continued staring at me with its huge black beady eyes, saying you can’t kill me! I thought I have to get closer to hit with more power… but then I started thinking what happens if I kill it, do i leave it, pick it up, and my whole body started shaking again and I started sweating…. COME ON… this is an insect that can fly…. I can walk, talk, think, see, hear… and the list is endless… I could shoot this insect with a gun and this insect couldn’t even hold a gun!

So i pushed my shaking body to get closer and I had to start looking for other items to throw, as all the shoes had been used. I found a hard perfume box. I threw it hard, and it hit… BOOM!! It fell 5 cm down the wall and continued staring at me.. I thought this is the end, I will never be able to kill this insect. I give up, and ill sleep on the chair outside until tomorrow when a grown up can help me!

I sat for a while on the chair and told myself ill kill it, even if it takes all night (but was secretly wishing it had died from the wind of the shoes i had thrown earlier). I picked up the other half of the perfume box and threw it hard. Booom, CRUNCH, SPLAT!!! AAHHHH It made a crunchy noise!!!! It fell to the floor but was not dead, I hit it once more, but not too hard as the crunching noise was making me want to throw up. I pushed it into the box and saw it started moving. In a moment of panic, where in my head this insect would come back to life and kill me with the box, I opened the window and threw everything in my hand out the window. I might want to add I live on the 5th floor. This included a large perfume box, quite heavy, with a half dead praying mantis in. It wasnt until the next morning I checked if I had killed any neighbours. The box was still in their garden.

Dont worry I do not open the window anymore. I did ‘grow up’ a tiny bit but had a mental breakdown in the process and im not planning on meeting anymore crunchy insects, at least not in my home!

CRUNCH....Half Dead Mental Test!
CRUNCH….Half Dead Mental Test!

Attack/Test 2.

Yesterday morning I went to the bathroom in my sleepy coma without contact lenses (I don’t see much without them) and went back bed. I couldn’t get back to sleep as Ahmed and Mohamed were downstairs cutting the grass and talking about their lives in the same decibel as an aircraft has. I therefore went back to the bathroom and put my contact lenses on. I did my hair and left the bathroom. I then went back to wash my hands which is when, to my horror, I noticed something in the shower. Let me remind you that I went to the bathroom 3 times before I noticed this. This was also CRUNCHY but brown and on the floor.

With the praying mantis I felt a little safe that it only flew, so I had some kind of control. If it flew I would run out of the room. BUT this was not a flying insect, which meant that if it moved we would be sharing the same area of movement. If I run out of the room, it can follow me and im not safe until I jump on something higher.

Anyways the creature that was relaxing in the shower was none other than a COCKROACH! Yepp that is correct one of the most disgusting creatures to ever exist. I again felt shivers go down my spine and I shouted out loud several times ‘why me!?!?’. Second time in one week where i would have to kill something in order to continue living a normal life. Why do these creatures keep coming into MY home, I didn’t invite them.

So now that I had semi-killed something else crunchy I kinda knew how to go about this. BUT this was a cockroach which I learnt at school is the only living thing that can survive a nuclear bomb. If the whole world explodes, apparently the cockroaches is the only thing that will survive… Now im thinking how am I gonna kill this cockroach, if it can survive a nuclear bomb… all i have is shoes and plastic bottles.

Anyways I had to kill it, and fast so it didn’t lay eggs in my shower and I would have to crunch my way through a whole family. I had to think fast and it had to be something that would kill on the first hit. I was not going to try to kill it and then have it running headless around the same floor I was standing on. No….. attack to kill… But this meant I had to make sure it couldn’t run anywhere while I tried to kill it. Now I still can’t understand how I managed to think of this idea, but hey I have an awesome brain. I had some thick strawberry yoghurt that I could pour on the cockroach. This is thick enough to shock it and make sure it can’t run anywhere and then I swoop in and smack it with a bottle! Voila… so this is what I did… poured strawberry yoghurt over it and crunched it in half with a bottle. Yes it did make a very nice crunch noise.

Strawberry yoghurt with real fruit pieces, oh and a real DEAD cockroach.

My skin still crawls writing or thinking about these insects… I think insects are my biggest phobia. They are gross…

I have the daily fight with mosquitoes too.

Splat… all my blood!

So I survived a mayor mental breakdown and a mini one. What else can you throw at me?

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