An English Speaking And Understanding Erupting Dumbed-Down Volcano…

Wow, I was thinking that it had been a long time since I posted something but I didn’t realise it had been this long! The last 10 days have been kinda busy… Been spending a lot of time with my boyfriends family. Took a day trip to Ein Soukhna… I started a jewelry course on the other side of the city. Love how when people say on the other side of town, and they are talking about half an hour max… The other side of my Cairo would be downtown. It takes one hour exactly on a saturday early in the morning with no traffic and non-stop driving!

It has started becoming a little bit frustrating living in a country where NO ONE understands me… Everyday I bump into situations where I feel like I want to rip my hair out, pull my eyelashes off, grab something and throw it at someone, and scream JUST UNDERSTAND MEEEEE!!!!!

The driver that takes me to my jewelry course for example… He speaks no english what-so-ever… I had spent 7 hours in a cold cold room, freezing my behind off at the academy…. I get in the car and im finally happy to be in a warm environment… The driver turns on the air conditioner.. COLD COLD air blasts through the car… My nose is starting to turn black from frostbite… The driver says: muuuuurrr? And turns up the fan to FIVE, THE MAXIMUM… I said nooo, its cold… he didn’t understand anything so he changes the temperature to 16 degrees!! WHATEVER… I thought shall I try to explain that this is too cold and im going to turn into an ice block… But I was scared he wouldn’t understand anything and this would make matters worse – maybe he would open a window or even a door…. Or stop the car and get me an ice cream and a milkshake!

Last time I ordered delivery they asked me if I wanted to order the same like last time… I replied: Yeah, maybe I order this too much… The guy replied: You want TWO sandwiches? AAAAAAHHHHHH NO…. I want you to understand me… the word too has two meanings in this case… Too-also and Two-number… GET IT?????

When I got home the other day a friend called. She was wondering if I was home.. This is how the conversation went:F – Friend. Me – Me of course!

F- You at home yet?

Me- I got home 5 minutes ago!

F- You will go home after 5 minutes?

Me- No im home from 5 minutes….

F- You will be at home in 5 minutes?

Me- No I GET HOME ALREADY….

F- WHAT, No way??? Someone take your home? What happened?

Me- NOOOO, im home…Now me home…

F- Did you just go home now?

Me- Beeep, beep, beeep, ‘Network Failure’… In other words I hung up! My blood pressure was about to explode, I was getting super frustrated…

I was talking to a girl in my course.. she showed me some jewelry she had made for valentine’s day… she told me a friend was going to buy it from her. So I asked her is it a guy friend who is buying it for his girlfriend? she replied no… Then she said this: It is a friend who is buying it for his girlfriend… HELLLOOOOOO?????? I just said that and you said NOOOOO! I swear she used the EXACT same words I used in my sentence! She just repeated my sentence….

Okay people, either you speak English or you don’t?!!! There is no such thing as speaking English but not UNDERSTANDING it… I don’t mean to boast or anything but I SPEAK and UNDERSTAND English…. When I speak to you in English and you don’t understand, say: I DONT UNDERSTAND… Dont pretend that you do… This is SUUUUUUUUUPER frustrating for someone who does think you understand: ME!!!!!

Maybe it is me… I mean most of the people I come into contact with speak English but never seem to understand me… I try to dumb down my sentences if people don’t understand, and try not to change the verbs too much….

Like this sentence: So the other day I went to the supermarket and saw all these lovely sausages but I ended up buying cheese….

If I wanted to say this sentence I would first have to assess the english skills of the person.. Then I remove extra information that might be misleading from the point of the sentence… I would remove ‘saw all these lovely sausages’… This information is not necessary for the final meaning of the sentence. Then I try to remove all the unnecessary words in the rest of the sentence such as : and, so, the…. I then change the verb to the present, because it is easier to understand. Then I choose a specific time it happened like yesterday or monday, also to make it easier, instead of ‘the other day’… The final sentence is: Yesterday buy cheese… I might add the name of the supermarket if it is important… So yeah that’s what I do daily when I speak to non-fluent-english speakers… Its SUPER frustrating and really annoying, because many people don’t even understand this dumbed down sentence…

Sometimes I just want to call an English customer service number and tell them to just talk to me and understand what im saying… I love talking, so when you put me in a place that I can’t talk loads and super fast AND be understood I feel suffocated… Its like putting a lid on a volcano! When I find someone who speaks English and understands it, I erupt! I will talk for hours…. or minutes if I realised that this person speaks English but doesn’t UNDERSTAND it!

I guess I just got to learn Arabic and one day I will be understood!

SAM_2321SAM_2325 SAM_2327                                        Beautiful Ein Soukhna!

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2 Comments

  1. Hi little sister, seeing the picture of Ain Sukhna brings back memories… of the 20 million tons of oil i have shipped through that port into Europe. My carbon footprint over the years is just a tiny bit smaller than the Chinese government, i guess 🙂

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