A FEMALE DOCTOR?!?! Are YOU Crazy! Apparently I Was!

So lets discuss my recent extremely cosey doctors appointment with a lovely professional old lady! I did mention to a few people I was going to a female doctor for my first appointment… The Egyptians reactions was as if I was walking into a death trap! WHAT??? NO NO NO NO, YOU CANNOT go to a female gynaecologist, are YOU CRAZY!?! They are all stupid! Wow way to go on the power to all females!! Lets not stick together… Their reactions were so extreme, it scared me… But what is the worst that could happen? I mean logically a woman has a uterus, she has probably been pregnant before, she has done the whole pregnancy and giving birth process, which should mean that she is in a MUCH better position than a guy who doesn’t have any of this experience.. Without opening a book a woman will know only from experience, if she studies on top of that, imagine what kinda super-gynaecologist she would be compared to a guy…!?! Am I completely crazy or does this not sound logic… Well I forgot for a moment there is no logic in Egypt… They forgot to invent that here!

So I went to this FEMALE (SHOCK!) doctor for my first pregnancy check. We had checked with several family members and from a doctor who also has 3 daughters, we were recommended a female gynaecologist. We got an appointment the same day at 3pm.

We were a few minutes late to the office, and went to the reception and informed the receptionist we had arrived for our appointment…Would you also like an ultrasound??… Umm well we are here at the doctor’s office to find out what we need.. Okey so you want an ultrasound… That is the weirdest thing ive ever heard… Shouldn’t the doctor decide this, I mean maybe im not even pregnant… OR actually maybe I would like to see my kidney on an ultrasound… The patient can decide if they want an ultrasound even though it might not be necessary?.. What if I would like an operation… Will you give me whatever I want?

She told us to have a seat… 3:10…. 3:20…. 3:30…. 3:40…. 3:50… Anyone who would like to pray, we are having a prayer session in the doctor’s office! All the women run to the office as if God was watching the unbelievers sat in the waiting room… Everyone wanted to show the others that they were a good muslim and will pray on time… Even the doctor… Who cares about the patients waiting… Who cares… I NEED to pray right now, so the couple that have been already waiting for more than AN HOUR, can just wait ANOTHER 15 min for EVERYONE to finish their prayers… Prayers finish and the receptionist comes back to the office and starts writing down orders for lunch?!?!? Ummmm, I honestly don’t give a rats ass if my doctor is hungry… We have been here for more than AN HOUR waiting!! At this rate I will deliver the baby before this doctors appointment starts!!! Bread for lunch is delivered, and we are still sat here waiting… I’m sorry but for me a trip to the doctors office is NOT a day out… I got there on time for my appointment, expect to be attended to when my time is up, and ill pray and eat and all that shit when im done, NOT on someone elses watch… IMAGINE if the doctors calls me and my husband in and we say sorry we are eating lunch right now!? Would that work? And the smart-ass in the reception takes payment on arrival.. Not after you have received your service… I bet you 90% of the patients would leave after an hour of waiting had they not paid when they entered the office!

Another patient starts getting frustrated and shouts at the receptionist that she has been waiting for an hour and a half… She has another appointment in half an hour… The receptionist tells her stupidly ‘you shouldn’t have made an appointment so close to this one, your obviously not going to make it’! The girl frustrated replies, so when is my turn… The receptionist even more pissed off claims the doctor had to attend a surgery this morning and that is why the appointments are a little delayed… A LITTLE, well honestly it’s not my problem that she attended a surgery this morning… If you give me a time slot, I make sure im available at that time, so should YOU… Im EVEN paying for this!? I can deal with half an hour delayed… NOT one hour and a half! The doctor is obviously taking more appointments than she can handle to earn the most money… Full stop…

An hour and a half later than our appointment we are allowed to enter the doctor’s office. A miserable old woman is sat at her desk… Doesnt look up and doesn’t say hi… We have a seat and she asks me my name and age… Question number 3: How long have you been married?!? WAAIIITTT! How is this related to my pregnancy, and how is this ANY of your business. Whether im pregnant or not, I don’t really see how that affects anything.. What if I was single? Would you kick me out of your office? Anyways I answered, thinking that was the rudest and most personal question she would ask… QUESTION 4: Was this your first sexual partner? Wait what? Excuse me? AGAIN, how is this any of your business… I’m married and I know who my babies dad is… Who the HELL are you? This old, miserable woman was just sat in her chair judging and asking super rude questions… This also has NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with my pregnancy… I replied yes to shut her up… You know what her reaction was? ARE YOU SURE?!?!?!  Okay look you miserable old cow, im here because im pregnant and im not here to be looked down on or have you analyze my sexual life, or judge me because im a foreigner, bla bla… Excuse my language but from the moment I entered that door she was a B.I.T.C.H…

Anyways moving on… She asked me a few other questions about last date of period and previous operations… Questions that actually had something to do with my pregnancy. Then her niqab covered assistant took me to the room next door and measured my heart beat. The doctor entered and pushed a little on my stomach and said okey.

Then the doctor proceeded to explain a little about the pregnancy… What she didn’t know that I had already spent a few months researching a little information, and I was already two months pregnant.

She pulls out a super old magazine cut out from 1985 (From before I was born!!) with information for pregnant woman. How to sleep, sit, stand, eat, basically everything, and she jumps through all the pages like I was a scanner…

– In the mornings you will feel very sick… You HAVE to eat a biscuit in your bed, HALF AN HOUR before you wake up… Thank you but ive been throwing up for the last month, all day everyday, im aware I feel sick… But how can I eat a biscuit before I wake up… I have to be awake to eat, UNLESS my husband wakes up half an hour before me and opens my mouth and moves my mouth to chew a biscuit… and then half an hour later wakes me up! Sounds like a plan..

– You must eat the biscuit BEFORE you brush your teeth in the mornings… Hmmmmm I normally eat breakfast and then brush my teeth after eating, not before…

– You must NOT brush your teeth hard. This is very dangerous… Uh Oh, soft brushing of teeth from now on… Can I floss, or maybe use mouthwash, or is this dangerous too?

– You can exercise but not so your heart goes TAC TAC TAC…. Hmmmm, ive never heard my heart make a tac tac tac noise… So no tac tac tac exercise… But I did go up the stairs the other day and my heart made a tic tic tic noise… Is this wrong?

– When you stand, don’t stand for a long time… Right okey, so I what, sit down then? No you must move like a ballerina… HAHAHAHAHA, She was not joking.. If I stand for a long time I have to move like a ballerina?! Dance? AWKWARD! I mean I did ballet when I was younger but I don’t remember the moves and I probably will not start curtsying when im standing in line in Carrefour shopping groceries?!

– You must eat a varied diet: raw fish, seafood, raw red meat, liver… Hmmm okey, I read that raw meat is dangerous, raw fish is dangerous and liver is dangerous, and you want me to eat all of these dangerous foods? You MUST eat a lot of dates… Ummm YUK, I don’t like dates… You MUST eat dates… Okey, no arguing with you then I guess…

Okey and I want you to come back in 2 weeks and we will take blood tests and an ultrasound.. Oh and I want you to take a HIV and sexually transmitted diseases test… Thank you lovely miserable, judgemental, old doctor… See if I come back…

So I don’t have any photos of the mean female gynaecologist for you, but I do have photos from a recent trip to the south of Egypt…