Drunk Mental Passenger, Nice Captains, Business Class Fit For A Pilots Wife!

Continuing on from the last post… The second time we went to Johannesburg was a completely different story.

This time the first office was the completely religious and socially awkward guy… and the two captains were SUPER nice! Oh and my husband was amazing, but you already know that!

So this time we were doing the same flying situation. My husband was flying take-off and landing to Johannesburg and cruise back. There were no seats available in business class AGAIN… SO my husband blocked a row of 4 seats in economy so at least we would have our own row… JESUS CHRIST the seats in economy were HORRIBLE… They were like sitting on the floor, actually I think the carpet on the floor would be more comfortable… The back was 90 degrees on the chair, which is perfect for my posture but hell to sleep on… I normally sleep lying down, CRAZY right?… I had a child behind me kicking me in the back, you know the usual! FREAKING child wouldn’t stop, not even dirty looks and PLEASE STOP worked! I tried pushing the seat back a little and the woman pushed the chair saying ‘YOUR SHOVING THE TABLE INTO MY CHILDS FACE’! Well excuse me, remove your FREAKING table and we will not have a problem… Discuss this with Egyptair, when they decided to have 4 cm between the rows! Anyways I was just waiting for the cruise so I could lay down on the 4 chairs and sleep! We take-off and some random guy runs up to the aisle seat beside me and plops his bag on it and walks off…

Hmmm what dangerous substance is in this bag.?? And what the hell is he doing… This whole row is my seat… Its been blocked and no one is supposed to have a seat on THIS ROW… I NEED TO SLEEP ON THIS ROW, ITS 8 FREAKING HOURS… Give me a break… A few minutes later the guy comes and PLOPS HIS FREAKING ASS on the chair! Hold on, HOLD ON! Who the hell are you?? I calmly gathered my inner thoughts, decided not to kill this guy, but rather have a civilized discussion with him… Instead of getting angry, I would inform him that this row is saved for me and my husband who is flying the aircraft right now, then he would say sorry, get up and change seat! Sounds easy right? Wellll…..

This is how the conversation went:

Me: I’m sorry but this seat is reserved.

Stupid idiot: Ummmmm, noooo it’s not, nobody is sitting here…

Me: I’m telling you this seat is reserved, im sorry, but you must have the wrong seat number.

Stupid idiot: Who is sitting here, I can’t see anyone here… I’m sitting here now…

Me: Actually it’s saved for the pilot of this aircraft, my husband…

Stupid idiot: Ummm NO, the pilots sit near the exit signs beside the emergency exits….

HAHAHAHAHA, I would love to see the captain of the aircraft sitting on a jump seat beside the emergency door, where the flight attendants sit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: My husband is flying the plane right now, and this row is reserved for me and him… (YOU FREAKING IDIOT, JUST LEAVE)

Stupid idiot: Are you sure? I don’t think so… why is he not here??

Me: HE IS FLYING RIGHT NOW… I’m am very sure, this is his seat!

Stupid idiot: I’m not moving… I’m going to sit here until he comes and kicks me out! Hahahaha… Your so funny, but I don’t believe you!

GREAT…. JUST FREAKING GREAT… We block 4 seats and I get a freaking mental case sitting next to me that thinks I have to make up a shitty excuse… I mean if im going to lie about the seat being reserved, would I say the seat is reserved for THE PILOT OF THIS AIRCRAFT?!?

So I called the flight attendant and told her to send my husband here… My husband comes and, I swear to God, the guy is literally shitting his pants… I told my husband what happened… My husband puts his mean face on and asks the guy for his boarding ticket… The guy completely freaks out… uuuh uuuuh uh its in uuuhhhh my uuuhh bag… I felt like me and my husband were the SEAT MAFIA! Here to check your boarding pass and make you sit were you are SUPPOSED to sit, NOT where you want!

I’m sorry but this seat is reserved for us… Ummmm I need to go to the toilet often so I have to sit here… Wait what??? The seat was in the middle of the aircraft… There were a lot of seats available next to the toilets… They seem like a more obvious choice, if you REALLY need to go to the toilet often…

Okey there was no way anyone was getting this guy to leave NOT-HIS-seat! So my husband went back to the cockpit and I was left with this awkward guy next to me… There was no way I would be able to sleep on this flight… I couldn’t lie down on the chair because of the stupid idiot and I couldn’t move my chair back because of the crazy table woman behind me and if I leant forward I would be kissing the top of the head of the guy in front of me… I was in a BOX… 8 hours left…

5 hours after take-off my husband comes to apologize for not coming to sit with me.. The first officer is sleeping and can’t wake him… He was supposed to fly after 3 hours after take-off… So the captain told him to continue flying and then tell the first officer to fly the whole leg of the way back to Cairo.. I thought this would be a good idea, I get to spend more time with my husband, and he has already flown 3 hours more than he was supposed to… 2 hours before landing the first officer comes to fly the aircraft… Why didn’t you wake me??? Wait hang on.. You are at work now, its your responsibility to follow your duties… If you sleep, put an alarm on… COMMON SENSE, or do you not have that??… your mum is not here to make sure you wake up on time… You should be a big boy now, and wake up on your own! I mean if you can fly this aircraft, you MUST be able to wake up on time!?

Anyways the awful flight to Johannesburg was finally over and I realised why the guy next to me seemed like a mental case… He needed to go to the toilet often because he was drinking… Egyptair serves no alcohol and doesn’t allow alcohol to be drunk onboard…. He was going to the toilet to drink.. I noticed this when he emptied his pockets…. CLING CLING CLING CLING, bottles and bottles and bottles of vodka, whiskey and everything you can imagine pouring out of his pockets… You cant reason with a drunk!? Duh!

We had a nice few days in Johannesburg.

Now on our flight back business class was FULL AGAIN!!! AAAAHHHHHHHH….. But I was lucky because the station manager said one of the chairs was broken, so they would not be able to sell it. I would be able to take that chair… So I board the aircraft and sit down… A girl comes up to me and tell me she also has 9G… Are you sure you are sitting in the right seat… AWKWARD!!!! My ticket says economy so I cant show her it.. So im just like yeah, im supposed to be sitting here, you must have the wrong number… They told me they would not sell this seat, and now there is a girl with my FREAKING seat…. So the flight attendant told me to have a seat while she checked the problem…

The captain who was flying waves hi to me before he enters the cockpit… Then the other captain walks past me and asks me if my chair is comfortable… I answered him… Then my husband comes up to me and tells me there is a problem with my seat…

The guy beside me does not stop staring… And he just BLURTS out: Does EVERYONE on this aircraft know YOU?!?!?!?

Hahaha, I looked around and realised everyone was staring at me, like who the hell is she…!?? I informed him my husband is flying this plane… And he asked me politely if my husband had slept well and eaten well, and that now he felt a lot safer knowing the wife of the pilot was onboard!

Anyways I had to give the seat to this woman who had taken my broken chair… And I made my way to economy… The captain comes running and tells me there is NO WAY IN HELL im sitting in economy… So I ended up sitting next to the captain not flying, in business class… BOY do people stare… EVERYONE wanted to know who I was, and why was I sitting next to the captain, and why did all the flight attendants talk to me about personal problems!?

So as I mentioned previously my husband was supposed to cruise this flight…. But due to the bad weather both in Johannesburg and Cairo the captain asked him if he could join him for the take-off and landing… The other first officer was over 40 years old and has failed the captain exam several times… Normally in Egyptair captains are pretty young, around 30-35… If you are still a first officer after 40, something is SERIOUSLY wrong! So lets just thank Egyptair they havent promoted him, if he is such a bad pilot, but also ask the question, how can he still be a pilot if its unsafe for him to fly the aircraft during bad weather?

So my husband ended up flying the take-off and landing both directions… whilst the unsafe religious first officer slept on the way to Johannesburg and slept in economy on the way to Cairo… While I chilled in business chatting to the captains of the aircraft, and kissing the first officer! Hahaha JOKE, NEVER KISS your husband when he is in UNIFORM! NO NO NO!

My husband landed the aircraft in Cairo, and let me just tell you it was the most beautiful landing I have ever experienced…. It was very soft, and I was very proud to call the pilot of the aircraft my HUSBAND!

We were in Johannesburg during Nelson Mandela funeral, so here are a few pics from the trip and Nelson Mandela Square!

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4 Comments

    1. Thank you so much! I will definately be reading your blog… Im glad my crazy stories make people laugh, you cant really get frustrated about it, it will just give you a headache, but i guess you totally know what i mean! 🙂 Im excited to find someone else blogging about Egypt, most of the other bloggers are very political, and thats no fun, especially in Egypt! Hope your enjoying Egypt too!

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