Mother Life, spain

Dealing With A Toddler, Crazy-Brain And A Spider…

Dont worry, I’m still here… Just been a bit lazy the last weeks with getting down to business, also known as blogging… When I say lazy that means that I don’t want to deal with my brain after ‘kids hours’… The oldest has been off school for 5 days now, and it’s not easy to get a break with a toddler and a baby in the house…. hahaha I say easy to get a break, I actually mean I never get a break, until 7pm when they go to sleep, and that’s if I’m lucky that the baby falls asleep and stays asleep until I go to bed… So the last weeks I’ve just needed to sit down and stare at a tv screen and deal with other people problems… Toddlers are intense… lets just leave it at that hahaha!!

Well I could go a little deeper and tell you what life with a stubborn toddler and a baby is like… Most of you have probably been there, but let me just add that the last months alone has clearly proved to me that there is a HUUUUUGE reason why it takes TWO to make a baby…. Because dealing with it alone is definitely not for sane people, it will make you a little crazy in the head… So a shout out to all the single moms, I don’t know how you do it for years and years… and don’t worry, the crazy things you do, I completely understand… Now you are probably wondering what kinda cray things I’m talking about… Well it might be hard to understand but when you have a whining toddler exploding at completely random things, it can affect you mentally and when your patience is tested over and over again, you will eventually freak!

So ill let you in on a little secret… I do freak out… In weird ways, I will admit… I’ll give you an example, because I know you love stories about me humiliating myself!

Yesterday my son decided to go down to the garden and bring a few of his outdoor toys into the house, like a dirty ball, paddling board and a large tortoise. The ball and paddling board where fine, but I told him nicely that outdoors toys stay outdoors, you have enough toys indoors. But he wanted the red dirty ball inside the house to play with because the three other balls he already has inside the house, were not good enough at 16:05 yesterday… You don’t mess with toddlers… He wants the ball, he will have the ball inside, unless you want to end up fighting about a dirty ball, where it will probably end up with him crying and you smashing your head against the wall… the worst thing in the world to argue with is a toddler, trust me.. So anyways off topic… I thought this tortoise, which was a large plastic thing with shapes inside its shell, might harbor some insects, and I definitely don’t want those in the house… So I opened the tortoise that was laying on our beautiful new fluffy carpet and moved the shapes inside it around, and thought hmmm, not bad, no bugs… Just as I was about to close the shell of the tortoise, out comes a large black spider… I have a HUGE problem with spiders, and my son knows this, that’s why one of the first words he learnt was spider in Norwegian, which is not the easiest of first words: Edderkopp! Hahaha…

So when it jumps out, I freak, and scream, and my son comes running over and sees it, so he starts running around shouting edderkopp AAAHHHH! No I don’t think he’s scared of them, but unfortunately I think he has learnt from me that this is the normal thing to do when you see a spider…. So whenever he sees a spider he will jump up and down and shout aaaaaahhh edderkopp!!! I hope he outgrows it… hahaha says me, a 30-year-old who still does it!!

So while my son was jumping up and down screaming edderkopp, I was just trying to find the fastest and most effective escape route, oh and SAFE, I DONT want this spider in our house… Especially not on the floor, where the baby was, since he is in an all-you-can-eat mode at the moment… I don’t think spiders is on the list of what a 7-month-old can eat…

So I stand over the tortoise like a sumo wrestler, ready to tackle this spider… I shout to my son to open the door quickly… NOW, my son has been opening these balcony doors for the last year without any problem… Opening and closing and locking and unlocking, NEVER a problem… BUT now, in a spider emergency, he suddenly does not understand a word I’m saying and is running around like a headless chicken , opening the curtains, moving his car to the left slightly… And im still there bending over sumo style, making sure this spider does not escape the tortoise, because if he does he will get lost in our fluffy carpet, and then its official, ill either throw the whole carpet away or move out… Yepp, that’s how much I hate these things…

So I’m still shouting ‘open the door’ and he cannot open, so I run over and open it for him, and tell him to stand clear…. Now if you know my son, he needs to do EVERYTHING himself… No I can’t help, he has to do it himself… But in this emergency case I though screw it, he can obviously see how stressed I am so he can deal with me opening the door… I slide the door open and sprint back to the tortoise and gather all my courage to grab the tortoise and run out with it… I grab it and turn to sprint towards the door and there is my son closing the curtains after he has closed THE FREAKING balcony door…. I can see the spider moving towards my hand and the door is freaking closed and the tortoise is too heavy to hold it with one hand… The feeling then and there was as life had failed me… This spider is going to escape, crawl all over me, and then disappear in the new fluffy carpet and then the baby will eat it… I might as well give up… But I thought, NO, I will not let my son see me give up… so again I gathered up all my courage and put the tortoise on the floor, pulled open the curtains and slammed open the doors and grabbed the tortoise to put it outside… My son starts screaming because I have now opened the FREAKING door, and he was supposed to do that… So as I’m leaving to the balcony he starts closing the door on me… You now know what I mean with patience wearing thin… Well at this point I had no patience left… I just wanted to get rid of this FREAKING STUPID spider….

So with mum brain, no patience, getting hit with a door by a screaming child, ALL whilst holding a SPIDER…I had had enough. I look at the tortoise and see the stupid spider moving out and its millimeters from my hand, and I thought this is it, IM DONE…. I panicked and just threw the whole thing straight out from the balcony…

So, neighbors, if last evening you were sat outside enjoying the sun, and a large green plastic tortoise and black stupid spider came flying through the sky, with like 20 small plastic shapes… Don’t worry it was just me, a mother of two going crazy! I just hope it landed in our garden…

This is what I mean with doing something crazy… Sitting here calmly on the sofa with both kids asleep, I think about the situation and think why the hell did I act like that… I could have just squashed him with a tissue… But id like to think I was doing it for the environment! Haha, whatever makes me feel better right?

I know that I’m going to end up with the same spider crawling over me in bed or something… Ugh I should have killed it… Well I don’t think I’ve helped my sons issue with reacting to spiders, so I’m interested to see how he reacts next time…

On a happier note, here are a few pictures from the last week…

3 thoughts on “Dealing With A Toddler, Crazy-Brain And A Spider…”

  1. Arachnophobia!

    Spider emergency… Lol.

    I genuinely picture a sitcom, the way you tell your stories. And your self-deprecating humour is the stuff of stand-up comedy. Thank you for the giggles.

  2. I’m an announcer in Radio Cairo the overseas programs, I’d appreciate it if you agree to make an interview via email about your experience in Egypt, your memories, your idea of the people and why and how you decided to come to stay.
    Thank you so much.

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